Brain Damage

Brain Damage - title taken from a Pink Floyd song I love dearly.

Now kids, this piece has a strange back story. Ready?

At the age of 14 (I'm 22) I had my last open-heart surgery. It was a long damn road, one I will never forget.

Anyway, I almost died, once again. I spent a long time in the hospital, as I hope you expected, and a lot of 'odd' things happened. I was under strong drugs, I saw things that weren't there. I got strapped to my bed because I was in my "Regan McNeil" (the exorcist girl) phase; insulting the staff, hitting people, taking IV 's out for fun. Etc etc. I ended up being addicted to Morphine, which is nothing but Heroine with another name used only in "needed" occasion in hospitals. The doctors were stupid.

But, before all of these aforementioned occurrences (with many MANY others I might tell you about someday) I was sent into the surgery room unknowingly placing my life in a stranger's hands. I woke up in the middle of the surgery. No, I'm not kidding/joking nor is for you to find me interesting. It's the truth, one I would love to forget about but, I know better, I won't. I woke up and saw a face, my surgeon's.

Things here and there happened. In the verge of dying, myself unconscious.

Weeks later I wake up. A man in white comes into my room, family present. I recognized him from somewhere... "I know you! You had a saw go through me, didn't you?" I said to him. He had yet to say a word, nor introduce himself to me. He stood there, in shock, holding a clipboard. "No, I didn't. I stapled you, which is different." He tried to remain calm.

Afterwards he told my mother and family I was NOT supposed to remember a thing. That he was worried because the anesthesia they used was too strong for me to have waken up. That perhaps there was something wrong with me... or that this was one of those rare cases the patient DOES remember. That's what mother told me then. That's what I thought of the images in my head of the man's face now remaining in memories I wish I could cast out.

The truth has been revealed quite recently, by mother's slipped out words. She now has told me that the reason why he was, and I feel real dumb by not remembering this common-knowledge detail, worried due that during a surgery they cover you completely, leaving the area where they are going to work free of obstructions (clothes, blankets, etc.) So, my face was covered up during the process. Now you can guess what did happened that day in that surgery room, which scared me shitless to think about. I had an out of body experience. And this sketch, unconsciously, told me so... I just didn't quite "get it" back when I did it. Now, now I know.